If you aren’t aware, I’ve begun a series of family stories that won’t be posted every Saturday but whenever I feel so inclined. Today’s post is What Goes Bump in the Night #2 or WGBN.
Over the years I have come to expect that during family vacations I am just not going to get a full night of sleep. Nearly everyone in my family is a night owl, extended family included. When we all get together there is a lot of noise. We’re all super loud and all up at late hours of the night. And to top it all off, when I was younger, I had to share my bed with whatever female relative had come to stay with us.
I don’t remember how old I was on this particular occasion, but I can guess that I was somewhere under the age of eleven and older than seven. This event occurred after the last but before we moved from my childhood home.
I told you that I would introduce my brother soon and sure, why not now? I also promised his friends that I would embarrass him over the internet, so let’s get to it!
Once again, I’m sleeping all cozy comfy in that deep sleep the way I’m accustomed to. This time, I’m sharing the bed with my grandmother. I’ll learn tonight that she is as sound a sleeper as I am and a little bit better at that.
She’s snoring. I only know this because she fell asleep far faster than I did. I stared incredulously at her open mouth as the depths of hell echoed through her chest and throat. I comforted myself with the notion that floating eyeballs would not be visiting me tonight with that sound going on.
Asleep. When I don’t remember a dream I always find wakefulness so strange. What happened to me just two seconds prior? What was I thinking or feeling? Was I hearing something that woke me? Well, I found out exactly what it was as soon as I woke up.
Asleep, then awake.
No, we did not own a cow. In fact, my grandfather’s cow farm is exactly 875mi from my childhood home.
So, when a ‘cow’ begins to scream moo from my bedside I wake up.
I start, jumping to sit up in bed. I instantly protect my vital organs with my pillow from the killer cow that has snuck into the house.
“MMMOOOOOOAAAH!” At this point I realize this is definitely not a cow, but a man. A boy, actually, and it’s the most annoying boy in my whole entire life.
Fright turns to confusion which quickly gives way to anger.
“Michael! Michael, what- what?!”
My brother stands on my grandmother’s side of the bed with his arms slack by his sides. His eyes are closed and he’s standing there, mooing. At around thirteen years of age my brother is a lanky twig made up of all elbows and knuckles. He has a shock of blonde hair that nearly glows in the moonlight. The constellation of pimples on his face that I can’t see in the dim light are there like little puberty volcanoes ready to explode at any moment.
As frightening as his skeletal frame can be in the dark, I am not afraid. I’m annoyed. Obviously my brother has come in here just to wake me like a complete jerk.
The worst thing is he just keeps mooing!
How is my grandma still sleeping?!
I grab her shoulder and shake, “Mammaw!”
Grandma starts and grumbles over my waking her, “Lauren, wha-“
“What?” She rolls to see my brother mooing by her side and instantly becomes as annoyed as I am. Or, I thought she was. She actually reaches out and grabs his wrist, she gives a little shake and begins speaking softly, “Michael, honey, Michael you’re asleep.” She speaks with the greatest amount of sweetness and sympathy.
I sit with a deep frown of aggravation on my face and thoughts swirling through my head. Of course my brother, my grandmother’s favorite grandchild, would not get scolded for waking us up by mooing in the night. Not only that, but my grandmother actually believed he wasn’t aware he was doing it.
To my surprise, my brother opens his eyes and looks around as startled as I had been about the possibility of a demon cow crying out in my room. The question is, why is HE startled?
“Michael you were sleep walking again hun.” My grandma is actually beginning to laugh.
“Sleepwalking?” Since when did my brother sleep walk?
Apparently, he did it quite often. My brother was completely unaware that something inspired him to moo like a cow in my bedroom. He appeared unconcerned and left my room without another thought.
I, on the other hand, glared at the back of his head. Moo in my room, Michael, moo in my room and you will rue the day! Rue the day, Michael!
Suddenly, a great weeping and gnashing of teeth was on surround sound echoing through my room.
My grandmother was asleep already.
That wasn’t the last time my brother would sleepwalk and it wasn’t even the most hilarious. More to come! Thanks for reading! Remember to Like, Follow, and Share!
Do you sleepwalk? Know anyone that does? Where did you/they wake up? Sleepwalking is so strange to me. I don’t understand how it works. Share in the comments.